The Monster

What do you do when the monster inside of you is raging? When it creeps into every view, every feeling and ripping you apart. How do you cope with this monster telling you how worthless you are? How do you cope with this monster telling you that you don’t matter; your life, comfort, etc. doesn’t matter. Some of the same things some people tell you, this monster tells you every second of every day. It reminds you of your past- sick, twisted past. Reminds you of the hurt you felt and still continue to feel each and every day. What do you do? I feel like I have lost battle after battle trying to be happy, even trying to be content. When your go to cope of escapism doesn’t seem to work anymore because feelings of loneliness, anguish, anger, frustration, self-blame, betrayal, defeated, degraded, damaged, exhausted, inferior, being insufficient, numb, panic, and resentment; those feelings continue to grow like thorny weeds that you can never rid of, taking over. Those feelings are weighing me down, suffocating me. I feel like I am not safe no matter where I go or what I do. I feel like I am running terrified, trying to cover my emotional ears from the things the monster may say or do. Then again, what else can I do anymore?