The Lone Wolf

This is an assignment that after a rough few weeks and a few good warming up sessions, my therapist asked me to write. We spoke about my inner self and decided this would help me to gather a better sense of my internal self. We spoke of my intuition- my inner self, which she asked me to name and I named her Alexandria. Ever since the rape I have been shoving a lot of my inner self out and my intuition... well, I felt I couldn't trust myself anymore. So that caused a huge chain effect in everything. So, I decided to agree with my therapist and do this letter after our session and research the wolf beforehand. It really helped me to identify and understand things better. If you can, give it a try. Really. Seriously.

Alexandria,

You’re there, I know you are. You run, you hide but at the same time you’re fierce, strong, occasionally playful, and everything loyal. Sometimes you run with your pack but then again, most of the time, you run alone which puts you more into danger it seems. Anytime you sense danger you flee from all that is around you and seek hiding, never putting yourself into the open. It is like you find yourself a den and force your way in, never to come out until you feel safe. But luckily, when you feel safe and you come out of that hiding place your pack is there- your family. They are waiting on you, literally howling for you to return their call so they know you are accounted for and safe after danger. Alexandria, please remember that each member of your family are so different, each one of you having a different place. You are loyal, territorial of yourself, loving to those who love, playful to those you love, and you are intelligent with your heightened senses which you and your pack rely on to be able to help you and eachother. They rely on you also just as you rely on them but they also understand that you are in a sense a lone wolf within the pack and their characteristics help you. The Alphas, they cater to their pups up to years after they are born. When there is a pup that is having a rough go at it, the female Alpha helps and protects- just as she protected you after birth. The male Alpha he protects all of the females within the pack and he is there to defend when an unwanted predator comes creeping along. He also protects his partner, the female Alpha, and is loyal to her just as she is to him; that is where you learn your loyalty to your pack from. Your playfulness? It takes the right thing and moment to bring it out and you have to feel safe and secure to be able to do so and that is ok, it is ok to be cautious; but don’t let your fears take life fully away from you. Why? Because you are fierce and resilient and can bounce back from anything and be driven. Once you regain your focus, you never let anything stop you. However, you may take a few detours to avoid harms way and that is ok, you have to get to where you need to be and your destination safe- whether it be in life or just the next place to rejoin your pack. Alexandria, you have to realize that you are safe, you can come out, you can play. You are with your pack again, you are not alone because they are forever surrounding you and forever protecting you because they know and they sense your fears and terror within. You have to trust in yourself again because you will grow from trusting in yourself and you will grow to better trust them as well. Please, let them and learn and see just how much better you become.

-Ellie