Anger. Love. Ecstatic. Emotional. Certainty. Mind boggling. Life changing. Roller coaster. Up and down. Up and up. Down and up. Those are the things that come to mind when I think of the past year. I have fallen in love to the most beautiful woman. This woman loves me for me- wholly. However, it hasn’t always been easy; trying to navigate a relationship along with complex- PTSD, crippling anxiety and depression has, at moments, had the best of me and brought out the worst in me. At times mental illness has felt like it has ripped everything from under me like a rip current only to find that when I “go with it” or “swim with the current” I resurface and am able to overcome and recognize that everything is still there, everything still good is still there- waiting for me to calm. In my case it is always my loving family, sweet soon-to-be wife, and wonderful therapist patiently waiting for me and urging me to come to them so that they may help me to sort out the loose bolts and mechanisms of my brain and throbbing ache in my heart. They help me to realize that things can be less lonely than they seem and that I have an amazing support. For once in my life, I really am wholeheartedly excited for the future. I get to marry my best friend in a month and half, I am looking into going back to school and have even solidly picked a major, and I feel like I am stabling in more ways than just mentally. Yeah, I still have my down-in-the-dump days; but I am working hard at making life better and recognizing the good and not being afraid to express my heart ache with others, especially my fiancee and therapist. I am learning to appreciate and recognize the value in every sunrise and sunset, in every laughter, in the tears and sweat, smiles, and even frowns because if it weren’t for the good and the bad I don’t think I would be able to appreciate one or the other- things would just be “neutral.” So, no matter how bad things may seem, looking to the positive but “dealing with” the negative or finding ways to cope and manage while focusing on the positive really helps one get through turmoil of life. That is one of the best advices I can give and that the best revenge for anything in life is success. Broke? Go to school. Hell yeah, you will be even more broke for awhile but the endsight is great. Faithless? Find faith. Find something to believe in and hold onto. Having faith in SOMETHING, even science, can show us that we are worthy. The list goes on and on. Happiness is not impossible.
